then this post is for you. On the advice of one of my very best set of friends (and half of the universe), I opted to give GoT a go. After watching a few episodes, I have realized that Michael Scott and the Office can basically account for 99% of the way I feel when watching it and I thought I’d put together some things to know if you are planning to dive into this series and/or if you are already in the early stages of watching. If you are already caught up and are obsessed with it and/or have recommended it to me, I’m not speaking to you, so stop reading.
1. Establish now that you don’t have feelings.
If you thought you did, you don’t. They are gone, they are a thing of the past. Feelings are what they talk about on commercials and during those advertisements for helping animals. You are a robot and literally feel nothing. Kind of like when your foot falls asleep.
2. Just when you think you don’t have feelings, get ready to remember that you have them.
And be prepared for literally hating every person you ever knew. Or for experiencing depths of anguish for people you’ve never met. Feeling a sense of injustice about literally every single thing that happens in an episode. Spoiler alert: The Red Wedding will cause you to question everything you ever knew about humanity and yourself. I’m warning YOU now because literally no one told me. They left me for the wolves and the White Walkers.
3. You literally do not know anyone’s names until you are basically done with the series.
Everyone is related to everyone else in some way. I think. I have a family tree that a friend gave me and it’s kind of like Charlie Brown’s teacher talking. None of it makes any sense and 98% of those people are dead. So congratulations, you now know all of these people’s names that mean nothing to anyone anymore. Also, once you learn a name, immediately forget it. If you don’t, the show will make you forget it when they kill them off in the next episode. You know, the one right after you have grown to love that person like a family member. Just making sure that you remember #1 of this list.
4. After every episode, you will ask people in your life to call you Khaleesi.
Because you will love her so much you can’t stand it. At least that’s me and if you don’t agree. You can have the fate of literally any of the 98% of the people I mentioned in #3. You will try to master her braids in the face of stress and you will end up looking like a peasant. Own your terribleness and let her continue to reign supreme.
5. Just when you think you’ve met the “bad guy,” there is always someone worse.
Literally. I’ll name one. Joffrey. Case closed.
6. Remember again, your feelings don’t matter.
And you will feel like this the majority of the time.
Have you started watching GoT? Considering it? If you haven’t yet, it’s probably because you’ve read this.